With the divorce rate at an all time high, how often do you hear someone say they feel taken for grated by their partner? Chances are you’ve felt that way yourself. So why do we treat our partners differently as time goes on, and what is it doing to our relationship?

In the beginning we focus on how wonderful our partner is. Everything is wonderful and exciting. We tell everyone about how great it is. We even go through great lengths to make our partners feel special. But eventually, whether it is 1 year or 100 years we begin to loss the magic. So how do we fix this dilemma?!

1.) Let go of demands and rules.

In the beginning we don’t impose on our partners personality or how they are but over time, we begin to start forming beliefs that our partner should act a certain way, think a certain way and even feel a certain way. We expect things from them that we would never expect from anyone else. And when they don’t meet those expectations we withhold our unconditional love, or even worse, we treat them with disdain and disregard.

Consider a Grandmother who has unconditional love for her grandchildren. In her eyes, they can do no wrong. It’s pure love, pure joy. This fulfills her in a way nothing else can. Now why can’t she feel that way for her partner, who actually needs that from her more than anyone else? Why are their different rules?

If you want the magic back you need to step back and ask yourself “What do you worship about your partner? What makes them the most important person in your life?” Let go of demands and rules, and start to shift your focus towards LOVING your partner for who they are. Because that’s who you fell in love with. Get OUT of your MIND and INTO your HEART. Start living in the moment, sharing the love that you have inside for your partner.

2.) Appreciate Male and Female traits

A lot of the times people try to make their partner exactly like them, and we expect them to communicate, behave, and think the same way. When they don’t we become frustrated and may even become short with them. Start to see differences as gifts. A man may want his sidekick to be more logical like him instead of emotional. But if this happened the polarity would diminish. So by shifting his perspective to one of appreciation, he can see that the feminine dynamic is a perfect compliment to him.  Appreciate these energies! While men are about direction and mission, females tend to be more emotional and connected. Men seek to feel appreciated and females seek to feel understood. These differences create PASSION.  By making a conscious choice to shift your perspective towards appreciation, you will not only see your partner in a new light, you’ll learn how you can connect on an even deeper level.

3.) Get in the Zone

Start taking note to what you are bringing into to your relationship.  When two people bring love and passion they create a beautiful state of mind that makes them excited about each other and about life. They will be able to approach anything with LOVE, and treating the other with the respect they deserve.  If two people are in lousy states, even if they love each other they are both experiencing stress, frustration, aggravation or depression. They will eventually do thing that they will regret. They will speak to their partners in hurtful ways and there will be NO EXCITEMENT, PASSION, or JOY.

4.) BREAK THE PATTERN

Life is not always ideal. Both people won’t always be thriving at 100% It is imperative to learn how to break your bad patterns so you can show up for your partner in the best possible way. When you see a conversation going south or you sense tension building, make the conscious decision to BREAK THE BAD PATTERN. Take a walk, shower, eat a snack…Do something else! Change your physical state and your emotions will follow.  Also change your focus. “Where focus goes, energy flows.” So step back and asses the situation. How are you treating them? How are you making them feel? Shift your focus to LOVE, KIDNESS, COMPASSION. Just like it was at the beginning, and watch how it changes.

Love is a noun and a verb! It requires action. If you want lasting passion it takes constant effort. When we forget to appreciate each other or “don’t show up”, we run the risk of doing irreparable damage. Even the smallest wounds will have trouble healing without love. Show up for your partner the way you did in the beginning and do that till the end…and guess what, there won’t be an end…