5 Ways To Show Love This Valentines-Part 5
This is Part 5 of our series on the Love Languages. Want to start at the beginning? Click here for Part 1.
Our last “Love Language is “physical touch”. We are taught from a young age to stay in our own personal space. We live in a contact-free age. Yeah we high five and have the occasional sideways hug, and after the “honeymoon phase” is over we tend to settle in a pattern of increasing physical distance. For most, the other “Love Languages” will keep the “love-tank” full, but for 20% of the population physical touch is their primary “love language”.
If this is your significant others “love language” it may take a minute to figure out, but the rewards are instant! The closer they are to people the more they enjoy physical touch, and with each individual the touch can be different. “A bear hug with a brother, a kiss on the cheek from a mother, an arm around the shoulder from their best friend. Likewise, the withholding of physical touch has potential to cause more pain and anxiety than most nonnative speakers of her love language can imagine.” (Chapman: 85)
If physical touch is your significant others primary language than you need to realize that every touch you give they will take personally. The good and the bad! Not all touches are created equally, and the fact that a certain kind of touch will bring pleasure to you, doesn’t mean it will bring pleasure to your significant other.
Ok let’s address that dirty elephant in the room. Physical touch is not code for foreplay. Remember, THEY draw the line. If at any time they feel uncomfortable they should feel free to tell you. On the opposite spectrum if getting intimate is their primary “love language” then just move that their pace and make sure they always feel comfortable. Betrayal in this area will be devastating to them.
Timing and knowing when are also factors. “Hugging and kissing when the two of you are alone is very different from hugging and kissing in a crowded mall. What is appropriate in one place may not be appropriate in another. The Key is to respect the desires of the person you are dating.” (Chapman: 105)
One way to quickly learn what type of touch they like is to observe how they touch you. Like we said in part 1, people tend to perform love the way they want to receive it. You should also take note of all the small touches you give that have gotten a good reaction. Guess what those are the good ones! It’s important to fill this need. We all at some point enjoy a consoling hug, a pat on the back, and an encouraging fist bump; especially when they come from the one we love. Start of slow and increase loving touches into your everyday routine.
This concludes our series on the “5 Love Languages”. Remember everyone is different and the way you fill up their “Love-Tank” is different as well. You have to observe, acknowledge, and take note! If you can fill someone’s love tank using their primary love language they will feel so fulfilled. If you perform all the 5 of the “love languages” and fill their “tank”, they will love you forever!
I strongly encourage you to check out “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It is a great read!