This is Part 3 of our 5 part series on the Love Languages. If you want to begin at the beginning Click here for Part 1.

Part 3 for our “Love Languages” Valentines series, is “Acts of Service”. This can be the most challenging “Love Language” to get right. The best way to understand the proper way to do acts of service is to take a look at some examples.

There are three parts of acts of service that will help us find the sweet spot. They are: Impact, Initiative, and Attitude. First we’ll go over impact. It’s important to know that making an impact is about working smarter, not harder. You could spend all week doing the lawn, raking the leaves, shoveling the snow, putting the Christmas decorations in the attic, and filing the taxes, and not make a dent in your significant others “Love-Tank”. Chapman says “When it comes to acts of service, you’re not judged by the amount of time you put in or even by how hard you work. You’re judged by you effectiveness- the impact you have.” (Chapman 72) So if you were to bring home dinner, clean the kitchen after and help your significant other with a project that’s close to a deadline you could fill that “love-tank” tremendously. So rule #1 is to think about what type of impact this have on your significant other.

When the time is right and when you have the energy, you may have every intention to perform acts of service. Well guess what, just like in business, sports, and everything else on this planet; timing is never perfect. Initiative has everything to do with speed and execution. When dealing with initiative Chapman has the 3-D’s. Drive, Discipline, and Dedication. Drive is your motivation to do the things you need to do. Thinking about how your significant other will feel will help bring the energy needed to do acts of service. Discipline has to do with how you complete the task. Building a shed isn’t going to take one day. Putting up shelves in a walk in closet doesn’t always take an hour after work. You need to prioritize your time and chip away. Dedication is making sure you complete the act of service. If you stay committed and present the act in a timely manner it will be taking as an act of love. Every delay is a message that says “this isn’t important to me.”

Attitude is the cherry on top. It’s the wrapping paper with the bow. You do this by completing them with humility and a big smile. We are not trying to play the “hero” and say “Look I saved the kitchen!” and we’re not trying to be a martyr. We are showing love by performing an act of service with a big smile on our face to show that we care. That’s it.

For some of us this will be a difficult “love Language” to understand, because we live in a “Do it yourself!” Era. People believe they are getting taking advantage of and say things like “Don’t expect me to take care of you all the time” and “I am not your servant”. With that being said I am not saying you have to become someone’s doormat. You just have to make sure you are doing things that makes a positive impact, in a timely manor, with a big smile that shows: I Love You! If you do that and you’re significant others “Love Language” is acts of service, you can expect to fill there “love-tank” in no time!

This concludes Part 3 of 5 of our “Love Languages” series. Click HERE for Part 4!!

-The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman-