Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. 5 days to be exact. So to help you show love to your significant other or to open yourself up to it if your single, we will be going over the amazing theories by Gary Chapman called “The 5 Love Languages” over the next 5 days!. Most people believe they are just for dating however, the 5 love languages apply in all human relationships.

To catch you up to speed Chapman believes everyone has a “love-tank” which wants to be filled. Everyone also has a primary love language meaning one of the 5 Love Languages. If this “Love Language” is communicated correctly it will fill up that persons “love-tank”. Take a car for example, I can put all the water I want in the gas tank, but since it is not the right “fuel” filling the tank, the car isn’t going to drive. It needs to be the right “fuel”. The problem that we as humans become frustrated with is, by nature, we usually speak our own love language. We show love to others in the form that would make us feel loved.  This leaves us with our palms in the air and confused when our significant other tells us their “love-tank” is empty. Are you still with me? Hope so! Learning to communicate love and appreciation that the other person can understand/receive is key in enhancing all of your relationships.

      So without further ado, I bring you Part 1 of our “5 Love languages” series. Part 1 is dedicated to the “Love Language”: Words of Affirmation.  A famous quote by King Solomon; “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Pretty intense way to start, huh? We can say that King Solomon was exaggerating, but we all know how great we feel when our boss gives us words of praise on good work. “If the movies have taught us anything, it’s that the right words, spoken at the right time by the right person, can inspire people to do the unlikely, the improbable, and in some cases, the near impossible. (Chapman: 23)

          In Rocky II, when Adrian, in her hospital bed, says, “There’s one thing I want you to do for me: win. WIN.” Ah, still gives me the chills.(video clip below this paragraph) The power that words have are monumental. Think about it, a political figure can say just one sentence and immediately we could have riots in the streets. WORDS HAVE POWER. We want to use that power, and fill people’s “love-tanks”.

             For some people it will be easy. They grew up in a positive environment, hearing encouragement and appreciation from a young age. For others it will seem like this language is from a foreign country.  Here are some tips. Flattery will NOT work! The sooner you can tell the difference the better! Flattery is manipulative, has an agenda, and its aim is to get something from someone.  Flattery misses one important component and that is sincerity.

Communicating words of affirmation involves more than just using your mouth. You need to use your eyes, ears, memory, and imagination. You actually have to pay attention and watch for things you can appreciate.  Now that we are on the lookout for things to compliment, let’s practice how we are going to say them. There is a certain tone and attitude that without a doubt shows love and caring. Love is kind and being kind is skill you need to master if you want to be good with words of affirmation. Sarcasm comes easy to us because there’s no risk. If we say it and are half laughing, we can always play it off as a joke. Saying kind things is a HUGE risk. We are putting ourselves and are feeling out there and we can’t hide behind laughter.

Here’s a perfect example. If your mad and sarcastically say “I’d be HAPPY to do the dishes tonight.” You can read that and know exactly what tone that was in. If you went over to your significant other, rubbed her back, kissed her on the top of the head and said, “I’d be happy to help you and do the dishes tonight.” She might explode of happiness. So it is not only what you say but how you say it.

There are 3 different dialects of affirming words. Words of Encouragement, Words of praise and kind words. All of which will fill your significant others “love-tank”. Words of encouragement will inspire courage, like we saw with our Rocky example above. Words of praise recognizes someones accomplishments and is like giving someone a blue ribbon or a gold star. They will feel great and remember it for a while. Kind words make people feel warm and fuzzy.(just make sure you are saying them right and remember NO FLATTERY)

In conclusion I challenge you practice this skill of words of affirmations. Not just on your significant other or your friends, sometimes. Make it a part of you and the way you talk to coworkers, neighbors, waiters, sales clerk, mail man, everyone and anyone you come in contact with. And I promise you will see a dramatic change in your life and the lives around you. “What goes around, comes around.”

This concludes Part 1 of our “5 Love Languages” series. Click Here for Part 2 !

-The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman-